Victoria's Absolution
by HeathDiva
Summary: Chapter 5 is up! A young widow named Victoria Camden finds an unexpected gift from her deceased husband- a ticket for the maiden voyage of the Titanic- which, thanks to Cal Hockley, will change her life forever...please r&r! :)
1. The Burial

Author's Note: This is my first _Titanic_ fanfic and I hope you all like it! BTW, for visual purposes, I imagine Catherine Zeta-Jones portraying Victoria Camden…happy reading!

Chapter 1

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April 4, 1912

Goff's Oak, Hertfordshire, England

"Victoria? Come on, darling- let's go home."

My aunt Marie took my hand and led me away from the freshly dug grave. I gave the burial site one last glance and sighed deeply. I read the names on the family headstone silently in my mind: Margaret Camden, Alistair Camden, and now Stephen Camden- mother, father, son.

I whispered, "Goodbye, Stephen."

We walked to the automobile that was awaiting us and met up with Marie's teenage daughter, Katherine. The driver helped us in and we made our way back to the Camden family estate. Marie, like myself, was a widow- it seemed like our family was plague with unexpected tragedies. My mother and father had died when I was merely a little girl, so I had been raised by Marie and her husband Edward. Edward had died from pneumonia two years prior to Stephen's death. Marie broke my thoughts as she spoke to me.

"Victoria, how are you holding up?"

"I just buried my husband, Aunt Marie. You know how I'm feeling."

Indeed, I was very upset. I had just lost my husband to a lengthy illness that had ravaged his body. But more than anything, I was upset at myself. In a way, I was glad that the marriage was over. Stephen and I were brought together by Marie after Edward had died. It was almost like an arranged marriage- Stephen came from the wealthiest family in Hertfordshire and had always pined for me, since we were young. Sure, I had feelings for him, but I never truly loved him. We had only been married for three years. For the first year and a half, he devoted all of his attention to no one but me. But that changed quickly and I became almost like an unwanted distraction. I prayed over and over again that God would bring me happiness- and then Stephen fell ill. 

Before I knew it, we had arrived at the estate of Stephen's family- which had been my home since we had gotten married. The mansion, which had once been a haven of love and warmth, now felt like a crypt. I stepped out of the car and Marie followed close behind me.

"The guests should be arriving for the reception within the hour," she said.

"I'm going to go change into something more…presentable. I'll be down shortly."

I went up the main staircase into the room where I kept my clothes for social events. After I changed and freshened up a bit, there was a knock on my door.

"Come in!" I said.

The door slowly opened, and one of our servants stood before me. Her name was Sarah, and she had been my servant since I was a child. I loved her so much that I insisted that she move into the Camden estate with me. 

"Hello Sarah," I said.

Her naturally thick Irish accent always brought a smile to my face.

"Miss Victoria, I'm so very sorry I couldn't make it to the funeral service. I-"

"Don't worry. I'm sure Stephen knew you wanted to be there."

"Speaking of Stephen, I found this when I was cleaning out his bureau. I think he was saving it for your anniversary."

Sarah handed me an envelope that had my name written on it. I wasn't one for suspense, so I immediately opened it right then and there. 

A piece of paper read, "My love, we deserve only the best- and this is the best. Love always, your Stephen."

Underneath the paper were two tickets. As soon as I saw it, I gasped.

"Sarah, these are tickets for the _Titanic_!"

"Isn't that the luxury ocean liner? The one departing from Southampton?"

"Yes. They call it 'The Ship of Dreams.' I've heard so many wonderful stories about it. He must've bought these before..my word, I cannot believe this."

"Victoria, are you ready?"

"Coming, Aunt Marie!"

Sarah looked at me and said, "This could be the best thing to ever happen to you, Miss Victoria. You're twenty-five years old. Maybe it's time for you to start a new life- in America. Don't you have relatives in New York? That's where _Titanic_ is docking."

"Yes. I have an uncle who lives there. But I haven't spoken to him in years."

"You should truly think about this."

I placed the tickets on my bureau and left the room. A few guests had already arrived for the reception and were in the dining hall. The evening passed by painfully. Person after person approached me, offering their sympathetic words.

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"He's in a better place now."  
"He's not suffering."

"He'll watch over you forever."

I smiled and pretended like I was taking their words to heart, but inside, all I could think about was what Sarah said. As the reception drew to a close, I escaped for a moment. I went outside to the terrace that overlooked a small reflection pond. I could see my reflection and the lights from the estate looking back at me. Suddenly, emotion took a strong hold of my body and tears began to roll down my face.

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This isn't where I belong anymore, I thought to myself.

"Victoria? What are you doing out here?"

I turned around and wiped the remaining tears from my eyes.

"Aunt Marie, I..I didn't hear you."

"You were crying, weren't you?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Stephen wouldn't want you to cry. He'd want to see that beautiful smile and-"

"I wish that people would stop saying that! I just want to be left alone!"

Marie seemed very shocked at my sudden outburst. I took a deep breath and regained my composure.

"I'm sorry," I said, "This has been a very long day."

"Maybe you should retire to bed."

"You're right. But before I go, there's something I want to talk to you about."

"What is it?"

"When I was preparing myself for the reception earlier, Sarah came in my room. She had found an envelope in Stephen's bureau."

"I told her not to snoop around in there. She has no business-"

"Aunt Marie, she means no harm at all."

"I'm sorry. Continue."

"She found an envelope with my name on it in his bureau. I opened it and inside, there were two tickets for the maiden voyage of the _Titanic_. I think that he intended it to be an anniversary gift- that is, before he became sick."

"He must've booked those tickets months and months ago- the manifest is completely full now. Some of the world's wealthiest citizens are going to be passengers on that ship. And they say that it's unsinkable."

"I want to go."

"Well, there was an extra ticket, right?"

"Yes."

"Katherine can stay with Sarah and the other servants. You and I can go together. It would be an incredible bonding experience, don't you think."

"Aunt Marie, if I go on _Titanic_, I don't intend on coming back to Goff's Oak. I want to make a new start in America."

Marie's face went from a heartwarming smile to a look of sheer sorrow.

"Victoria, you're not in the right frame of mind. You've just experience the greatest loss a wife could experience."

"I'm twenty-five years old and I'm trapped here! I've never been able to think for myself in my entire life. My parents, you, Uncle Edward and Stephen dictated and planned every move that I've ever made! If I don't leave Goff's Oak, I will never be happy or sane!"

"Sweetheart, don't get upset."

"How can I not?"

"But the ship leaves in a week."

"All I need to do is book a train ticket to Southampton and pack my belongings."

"And what will you do once you arrive in New York?"

"I'll get in contact with Uncle Alexander."

I took Marie by the hands and spoke directly to her in a soft, yet firm tone.

"I'm suffocating. I've been suffocating for as long as I can remember. If you love me, you will let me do this."

Marie sighed and said, "It's getting late. Katherine and I can spend the night here if you'd like."

"That would be lovely."

"Let's talk about this in the morning, all right?"

I smiled and wiped away the last of my tears.

"All right. But you go ahead. It's a beautiful night. I want to enjoy it before I go to bed."

"Fine then. Goodnight, dear."

Marie kissed my cheek and headed inside the estate. I looked out across the pond and into the night sky. I knew that making this decision would either change my life- in either a devastating or a remarkable way. However, I would've never imagined how much my life would change in the next three weeks- thanks to a man by the name of Caledon Hockley.


	2. The Pocketwatch

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A/N: Sorry if this chapter is terrible! I'm just trying to get through all this background s tuff so that I can get to the good part that actually takes place on the Titanic…thanks for my reviews! =)

Chapter 2

April 10th, 1912

It had been nearly two weeks since Stephen's funeral services. With each passing day, the estate seemed more and more desolate and eerily dismal. Marie and Katherine had stayed with me almost every day since Stephen's death. However, after many debates and many tears, Marie finally accepted the fact that I needed to start a new life. I was leaving for Southampton the next morning, and it was my last dinner with Katherine, Marie and Sarah before my departure. No one spoke a word as we dined. About half an hour into the meal, Marie finally spoke up.

"Victoria, for the last time, are you absolutely sure about this decision?"

I nodded my head and replied, "I've never been so sure about anything in my entire life."

Sarah asked, "Are you excited, Miss Victoria?"

"More nervous than anything. I've never seen America, so I don't know what to expect."

Marie added, "Katherine and I will definitely come to visit you one day and see America for ourselves. Right, Katherine?"

Katherine looked up from her dinner plate with tear-filled eyes.

"May I be excused?" she said, in a soft and mournful whisper.

"But darling," Marie said, "You haven't touched your dinner."

"I'm not hungry. I just want to rest."

"Fine, dear. Go ahead."

Katherine left the table and as she headed to the room she was staying, I heard her start to sob.

"I should go make sure she's all right," I said.

"She's upset because you're leaving. She loves you so much and admires you more than anyone in the world."

I sighed and said, "But I'm sure she'll understand one day why I had to make this decision. Excuse me."

I got up from the table and headed to where Katherine was. The door was closed, so I tapped on it lightly.

"Katherine, it's me- Victoria. May I come in?"

"Yes, go ahead."

I opened the door and saw Katherine on the bed, wiping tears from her face.

"Were you crying?" I asked, sitting beside her.

She nodded her head and said, "I can't help but cry. Even though you're eleven years older than I am, I feel as if you're my best friend in the entire world. Who else will I confide in when you're gone?"

"You've plenty of friends, Katherine- and they all love you."

"Yes, but you're different, Victoria. I wish I could go with you. I've heard so many wonderful things about the _Titanic_. If it wasn't for Mother…"

I held her hand in mine and said, "One day, when you've experienced what I've gone through, you'll look back and be able to comprehend why I've done this. America holds so much promise for me- if I don't make a brand new start, I feel as if I'm going to go insane."

"I understand. But do you promise that you'll come back to visit?"

"Of course."

Katherine threw her arms around me and said, "I love you, Victoria."

"And I love you, Katherine. Now I've got to go finish my packing my belongings and get some rest."

"Can I help you?"

"I could use all the help I can get."

Katherine smiled and led the way to my room.

********

It was now later in the evening. Katherine had just gone to bed, after helping me with my belongings. I had become overwhelmed with fatigue and I fell asleep on my bed. A knock on my door woke me.

"C-Come in," I said, yawning.

It was Marie, holding something in her hand.

"Darling, you look exhausted," she said, "Your train leaves early tomorrow morning. Get some rest- I'm sure that Sarah can finish this for you."

"I don't want her to sacrifice sleep on my behalf."

Marie sat at the foot of my bed and replied, "You always think of others before yourself. It's a quality that's very rare nowadays."

I brushed a stray strand of hair from my face and said, "I think I'm done, however. I've gathered up everything I need that's essential. It's still unbelievable that this is all happening."

"Well, you forgot one last thing that's incredibly essential."

"What's that?"

Marie opened her hands and when I saw the contents, I gasped. It was a pearl necklace that my mother wore before she died.

"That was my mother's," I said, "I remember her wearing it. And it's in the family portrait that hung in our dining hall."

"Yes, I know. I've had it in my possession for years, and I wanted to give it to you at the right time."

She placed it in my hands and I examined it thoroughly.

"It's beautiful," I replied, "Thank you."

"Victoria, I've watched you grow from an orphaned child to a well-respected woman. And even though it's going to be terribly difficult to see you leave for good, I know that this is something you need to do."

Tears brimmed at my eyes as I said, "Your blessing means more to me than you'll ever know. You're the only living tie I have to my mother and you will always hold a special place within my heart."

"And I feel the same about you."

The tears began to flow freely from the corners of my eyes as I embraced Marie with all of my might. Then she let go and took an envelope from the pocket of the nightrobe she was wearing.

"This is for you, too. Stephen left this money to you in his will."

I opened the envelope, and it felt as if all the breath in my body left in an instant. It was more than enough to start my new life in America.

"Marie, this is incredible. I can't believe this!"

I hugged her again and let out a cry of happiness. It was as if Stephen was sending me a post-mortem message- that he wanted me to be happy and free. Marie stood up and kissed my cheek.

"I'm off to bed. I'll see you bright and early in the morning."

"All right. Thank you for everything," I said.

"You're very welcome. Goodnight, Victoria."

"Goodnight."

**********

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April 11, 1912

"Are you positive you have everything?"

"Yes, Aunt Marie."

"Absolutely everything?"

"Yes!"

"I'm just making sure."

We had just arrived at the train station and I was saying goodbye to Marie, Katherine and Sarah. First, I gave Sarah a long hug.

"I'm going to miss you terribly," I said, trying my hardest not to break down crying. 

"I'll miss you too, Miss Victoria. I don't know what I'm going to do with you not around."

I handed her a small envelope and replied, "This is just a small gift from me. I'll send you something amazing when I get to America."  
"Miss Victoria, I can't take-"

"Please. Take it for me, Sarah."

"All right."

We hugged again and then I looked at Katherine. Her eyes were red and she forced a smile.

"I don't do well with goodbyes," she whispered.

"This isn't goodbye forever. I'm going to be visiting again and hopefully, you'll be visiting me."

"I hope so."

I kissed her cheek and embraced her, saying, "Take care, Katherine. I love you."

"I love you, Victoria."

As I looked at Marie, she started crying.

I wiped tears from the corners of my eyes and said, "I'll get in touch with you as soon as we dock in New York."

"You had better. I'm already worried sick about you."

"Don't be. I have a feeling that this is going to the best decision I've ever made."

"And you have no doubts about this?"

"If I did, I wouldn't be going."

Marie and I looked at each other for a few moments and then she held me in her arms. I let the smell of her perfume linger in my nose- so that I would have something to remember her by.

"Keep in mind," she said, "that if you should get scared or become unsure, your mother and father are with you. They're your angels and they would never let harm come your way."

I smiled and replied, "I know they wouldn't."

A man's thunderous voice exclaimed, "Those departing for Southampton- all aboard immediately!"

I picked up my remaining bags and said, "That's me."

To avoid any more tears, I walked to the train without looking back at Katherine, Marie and Sarah. As I stepped aboard, I finally looked back. The three of them waved at me and I waved back, biting my lip in a vain attempt to keep from crying. I gave the conductor my ticket and found a seat with a window that faced where they were standing. During the next few minutes, we would all wave back and forth at each other. Finally, the train whistle blew and the car began moving. I kept the three of them in my sight for as long as I could until they became a blur in the distance. I closed my eyes and leaned against the headrest of the seat. Suddenly, those doubts that I had been denying were seeping into my mind.

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Victoria, what have you gotten yourself into?

I reached into my handbag and double-checked to see if the _Titanic_ boarding passes were inside. Indeed they were, as were some photographs. I knew that if I looked at those photographs, I would have to face the painful separation from the people I loved the most- so I put them away and drifted away into a peaceful sleep.

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April 12, 1912

"I saw the _Titanic_ yesterday. It's the most unbelievable sight I've ever laid eyes on."

"Is it that big?"

"They don't call it _Titanic_ for nothing!"

I acknowledged the driver with a smile and sat silent for the rest of the journey from the train station to the Southampton pier where _Titanic_ was docked. I was lost in so many thoughts that I didn't even hear the driver when he spoke to me again.

"There she is."

The sight of _Titanic_ was breathtaking, to say the least. It was as wide and as tall as the eye could see. The driver pulled up to where the first class passengers where boarding the ship. As soon as he came around and opened the door for me, a man dressed in a White Star uniform approached me.

"Good day, ma'am. May I take your bags?"

"Sure."

I thanked the driver and gave him gratuity as my bags were taken out of the car. I took my own handbag and stood in line, waiting to climb the majestic walkway. I had never been so intimidated of anything in my entire life. Everywhere I looked, there were couples and families- no one alone like myself. When I got to the top of the walkway, I showed the steward my boarding pass.

"Is Stephen Camden with you?" he asked.

"No, I'll be travelling alone."

"Very well then. This gentleman will show you to your stateroom."

Another steward led myself and the man carrying my belongings to my stateroom.

"Here you are, Mrs. Camden."

"Thank you very much."

When he opened the door, I could not believe my eyes. The room was ornately decorated like something out of a palace. It was enough for four or five people to stay in, let alone one.

"Where should I put your bags, ma'am?"

"Anywhere- I don't mind."

He placed them in the middle of the room and then replied, "Good day."

"Wait," I said, grabbing my handbag. 

I gave him money and said, "Thank you."

"My pleasure, ma'am."

As he closed the door behind him, I looked around the room. I felt like a little girl living out my greatest fantasy- but incredibly lonely at the same time. I looked around the room and examined it thoroughly. 

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Stephen would have been in his element, I thought to myself. 

Suddenly, it was as if a freight train of emotion hit me. All of the pent-up frustration, sadness, anger, fear and anxiety that had been building up inside of me for what felt like all of my life came out. I started sobbing and collapsed onto a loveseat. The tears stung my face as I truly realized what I was doing- making a new and unknown life for myself. About 15 minutes later, there was a knock at my door. I got up from the loveseat and answered it.

"Hello there. Are you Victoria Camden?"

"Yes, I am."

"I have the manifest here. I just need for you and Mr. Camden to sign it."

"Actually, Mr. Camden won't be joining me. I'm travelling by myself."

"All right. Please sign here."

I took the pen and signed my name.

"There you go," I said.

"Thank you. Good day."

As I closed the door, I saw something in the middle of the hallway. It was a gold pocket watch. I picked it up and noticed that there was something engraved on it.

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C. HOCKLEY.

Thinking that someone might step on it and destroy it, I held onto it and returned inside my room.

"I'll give it to one of the stewards at dinner," I said to myself, "I'm sure that whoever Mr. Hockley is, he'll want this back."

Now that I look back on it, I realize that I was meant to find that pocket watch- because if I hadn't, I probably would have never met Caledon. Within half an hour, I was in the midst of unpacking one of my bags when I heard a commotion in the hallway.

"I had it in my pocket, I know it! I must have dropped it or misplaced it somewhere around here!"

"Sir, I assure you- none of the staff have turned a gold pocket watch in."

"Then someone must have stolen it! My father gave that watch to me. It is a priceless heirloom and I will not rest- and neither will you- until it is found."

I glanced over at the watch, which was resting on a bureau by my bed. I walked over to it and picked it up.

__

But what if he accuses me of stealing it? I thought to myself.

I decided to take the chance anyway and I walked to the door. When I opened it, two men were standing almost directly in front of my door.

I cleared my throat and said, "I overheard you two talking. I found this right here when I was signing the manifest." 

Initially, I didn't make eye contact with Caledon until I handed him the watch. When our eyes locked, my heart felt as if it froze in place. His eyes were the most beautiful shade of brown I had ever seen. Everything about him made me feel things I had never felt towards another human being- and it was my first time ever seeing him. Caledon carefully took the watch from my hand.

He looked at the steward and said, "You can go."

Then he looked at me again and said, "Thank you very much. This means a lot to me. That is, the watch does."

"Well, I'm glad I found it before it was broken."

"Your accent- it's quite lovely. Are you from England?"

"Yes. Hertfordshire."

"I-"

A woman's voice from down the hall interrupted our conversation.

"Cal, did you find the watch?"

"Yes, Ruth."

Caledon looked at me again and said, "I must be going. What is your name?"

"Victoria."

"Victoria. That's a beautiful name- I've always liked that name."

"Thank you."

"No, thank you."

He picked up my right hand and kissed it.

"Your husband is a lucky man."

"But I'm-"

He had been walking away, but he turned around as I started my sentence.

"Yes?" he replied.

"Never..never mind. It was nice meeting you."

"The pleasure was all mine."  
The mere sight of Caledon's smile made chills run up and down my spine. I closed the door to my room and leaned my head against it.

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I'm a fool. I'm simply lusting over this man..it's too soon for me to have any romantic feelings towards a man I barely even know.

Or was it?

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	3. The Conversation

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April 12, 1912

The roar of the crowds on the deck of the ship was deafening. We were finally departing the shores of Southampton and everyone was waving goodbye to their loved ones. I wished that Katherine, Marie and Sarah could've been there, but I had to face the reality that they were not. I shut the curtains and went into my bedroom. All that was on my mind was my earlier encounter with Caledon Hockley. Even though we had met for just a brief moment, his presence had intrigued me. I stretched out onto my bed and exhaustion took a strong hold of my body.

After a short nap, I woke up and had almost forgotten where I was. It felt as if I had stepped into the room for the first time all over again. The sensation overwhelmed me; so much that I wanted to just break down and cry like a child. Marie said that she was going to attempt to get a hold of Uncle Alexander- but what if she couldn't? I would be stranded in New York City alone- with nowhere to go and no one to turn to.

"Everything will work out. I just have to leave it in the hands of God."

I whispered those words out loud to myself, mostly just for my own reassurance. I got off of the bed and looked out of the window. I could see people on the first class deck strolling, observing the ocean and doing other various activities. I couldn't stand to be cooped up in the room any longer, so I decided to get some fresh air myself. Before I had taken my nap, I had put away my clothes in a small closet, so I went in there to pick out something to wear on the deck. I finally decided on a beautiful leisure dress that Katherine had given to me as a gift. It was yellow with short sleeves and matching white trim. Katherine had even found a matching set of gloves and a parasol to go with it. After changing and freshening up a bit, I left the room and joined the others on the first class deck. I made my way to the rail and looked down at the white, frothy water- the ship was moving at an extraordinary speed. Then I looked up and across the endless waters. A part of me wished that Stephen could have been there to experience everything with me- but a larger part of me was happy to be free for the first time in my life.

I closed my eyes and let the sea breeze touch my face. After a few minutes of quiet reflection, I turned around and observed everyone around me. There was yet another deck above us, which I hadn't noticed before. I also hadn't noticed that someone was watching me. I immediately recognized the person staring at me- it was Caledon Hockley. He smiled and waved at me, and I returned the gesture. Then he beckoned for me to come up and join him. I was at little reluctant at first, but then I gave in. I made my way to the staircase that led up to the higher deck and Caledon was waiting for me.

"Hello, Victoria. Beautiful afternoon, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

"I couldn't help but notice that you were by yourself. A woman with beauty like yours shouldn't be alone- especially on a ship as grand as _Titanic_. Who will you be joining tonight at dinner?"

"Well, I…I don't know anyone. That is, besides you."

"Then you should be my special guest tonight at dinner."

"I would love to. But who was that woman earlier who was calling for you? Remember, when I returned your pocket watch to you?"

"Yes, yes. That was my fiancée's mother."

My stomach dropped a little- I guess I had jumped to conclusions that he was unattached.

"I see. So why aren't you going to dinner with your fiancée?"

"She'll be there. In fact, I'll introduce you."

Caledon turned around and called, "Rose, darling? Come here for a moment!"

A youthful woman with bright red hair approached us. She didn't have the glow of a woman about to be married to a handsome man- she looked unhappy and preoccupied.

"Rose, this is Victoria. She's the one who found my pocket watch earlier. Victoria, this is my fiancée Rose."

I extended my hand and said, "Pleased to meet you."

Rose shook my hand with a forced smile and replied, "Likewise."

Caledon added, "Victoria will be joining us tonight at dinner."

"Are you travelling alone?" Rose asked.

"Yes. It was supposed to be my husband and I, but..but he passed away nearly a month ago."

"I'm very sorry."

"Thank you."

"Well, I hate to be rude, but I'm going to go back to the room. Cal, are you coming?"

"I'll be there in a moment."

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Victoria. I'll see you tonight."

"Very well."

After Rose left, I looked at Cal and said, "She seems very…young."

"She's seventeen."

"Seventeen!"

"It's a long story, our romance. Maybe I'll explain it to you tonight."

"It's really none of my business."

"No, it's all right. I never have the chance to discuss my life with anyone- it seems as if my life revolves around business conversations."

"But don't you talk to Rose about your personal life? After all, she _is_ the woman you're going to marry."

Caledon whispered something under his breath that sounded like something along the lines of, "Don't remind me."

"What was that?" I asked.

"Nothing."

He halted the conversation and stared deep into my eyes. Even Stephen had never done that before. Whenever he had looked at me, he had never made a connection with my soul. After a few more seconds, Caledon broke the glance and shook his head.

"There's something about you, Victoria."

I was at a loss for words and felt somewhat uncomfortable. In actuality, it wasn't that I was uncomfortable. It was the fact that I was becoming emotionally attached to a man that I hadn't even known for five hours. A man who was getting married to another woman, nonetheless.

I backed away from him and said, "I should really get going. I still have some unpacking to do."

"I'll walk you back to your room."

I sighed and said, "If you insist."

He held out his arm and I linked mine in his. We walked back inside and to the hallway where our rooms were. We stopped in front of my doorway, but Caledon kept my arm locked inside of his.

"Dinner starts at seven o'clock," he said, "so I will meet you at the Grand Staircase at let's say…quarter to seven."

"All right. I'll be there."

"And I'm sure you'll look exquisite."

I smiled at him and replied, "Thank you. I'll see you then."

He kissed my hand and said, "Goodbye, Victoria."

"Goodbye."

I went into my room and closed the door behind me. My heart felt like it was trying to escape from my chest by beating its way out. It made me long for the company of Sarah- she had always been my confidant for everything. I had so many thoughts racing through my head and no one to confess my feelings too. I spotted a set of _Titanic_ stationary and a pen with an inkwell, resting upon a desk. I walked over to the desk and sat down. I had never been one to write my feelings and emotions down, but my head was racing with thoughts and dreams. I picked up the pen and suddenly the words flowed onto the paper.

"_April 12, 1912_

I've never kept a record of my thoughts like other women do. I have never believed in expressing my feelings in this way, but there's no one with me that I can confide in. Even though I have grown accustomed to the beauty and grandeur of Titanic, I would give anything to be back home right now. I miss Marie, Katherine and Sarah terribly. However, I have enjoyed the company of one individual. Earlier this afternoon, I had the pleasure of meeting a man named Caledon Hockley. He has the most beautiful shade of brown eyes I've ever seen. When he talks to me, he looks directly into my eyes- to the point where it nearly penetrates my soul. I feel like a foolish schoolgirl, not a twenty-five year old woman who just lost her husband. I feel like I'm committing a sin- Stephen hasn't even been deceased for a month yet and I'm starting to feel affectionate towards this stranger that I met today. Caledon invited me to dinner- along with his fiancée and her mother. I don't understand- why is a man with a fiancée expressing interest in me? He seems to be dedicated to Rose…but then again, I don't know what happens behind his closed doors. I just cannot handle having my heart trampled upon again. It seems as if my life has been nothing but heartbreak and anguish at times- and that's why I chose to leave England. I had no intentions of meeting a man like Caledon on the Titanic. The more I think about it, the more it drives me insane."

I looked at what I had written down and took a deep breath. I put the pen down and held my head in my hands. Then a knock at the door brought me back to the real world. When I answered the door, I was surprised to see Rose standing there.

"Hello, Rose," I said.

"Victoria, I'm going down to have social tea with some of the other women. Caledon said that you haven't had a chance to meet anyone else on the ship- this might be a way to do so."

I thought for a moment and replied, "It won't hurt to meet some new people, I guess."

I picked up my handbag and left the room with Rose.

"Thank you for inviting me," I said.

"It's my pleasure."

"Is your mother joining us?"

"She's already down there."

"I see."

"So I notice that Cal's taken quite an interest in you."

I didn't know what to say, so I just answered, "I bet he's naturally like that with a lot of women."

"He is, but I could hear it in the way he talked to you."

Strangely, Rose didn't seem concerned at all. In a way, it was as if she was pushing me to pursue further interest in Caledon.

"I'm very flattered at his attention, but he's getting married to you and I'm sure he loves you very much."

"I'm not sure if you're right about that. But I don't blame him- my mother is forcing us to love each other. That is, if you want to call it love."

I was completely taken aback by what Rose was telling me. She sounded like a little girl who was tired with her favorite doll. I couldn't comprehend how she was able to talk about a man like Caledon in that manner. There were so many questions I wanted to ask her, but I didn't want to appear to be intruding on her personal life.

Instead, I smiled and asked, "So, who are some of the women who are going to be having tea with us?"

"Well, there's Molly Brown. She's this incredible woman who.."

Rose's words faded in my head and all I heard was Caledon's voice echoing.

"_There's something about you, Victoria…"_

Little did I know that the evening would unfold to be one of the most interesting of my life.


	4. Dinner

__

April 12, 1912

I took slow, deep breaths to calm myself. I couldn't recall the last time I had been so ridden with nerves. It was nearly seven o'clock and there was still no sign of Caledon. I took my handbag and decided to step out of my room to look for him. Almost immediately after I opened the door, I looked to my right and saw a man headed towards me.

"Excuse me, ma'am?"

"Yes?" I replied.

"Are you Ms. Camden?"

"Yes, that's me."

"I'm Spicer Lovejoy- I work for Mr. Hockley. He's already in the dining hall with Rose and asked if I would escort you to the table."

"Oh- very well then. Thank you."

Mr. Lovejoy took me by the arm and we descended down the grand staircase. The sights before me literally took my breath away.

"This is absolutely amazing," I said quietly.

"It is indeed incredible."

I had seen all the majestic cities of Europe- Rome, Paris, Athens, Vienna- but never anything like the grand ballroom and the dining hall. Mr. Lovejoy escorted me through a sea of people and finally to the table where Caledon was sitting. He pulled out a chair for me that was directly across from Caledon.

"Mr. Hockley, your guest has arrived."

Caledon looked up from his glass of brandy and his entire expression changed. I could tell that he wanted to be slightly more informal- instead, he just smiled at me.

"Ms. Camden, you look exquisite tonight."

"Thank you Mr. Hockley- and thank you for inviting me to join you and yours for dinner."

"The pleasure is all mine. Everyone, this is Victoria Camden. She's relocating from England to New York and chose _Titanic_ as her method of doing so."

An older, yet attractive man was seated on my left. He extended his hand towards mine and then kissed it.

"I'm Thomas Andrews," he said, "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

"So you're the mastermind behind this ship, from what I've heard."

"Mastermind? If you say so," he laughed.

I replied, "Either way, this ship is…incredible, to say the least."

"Thank you."

Rose's mother, Ruth, glared at me and asked, "So are you travelling alone?"

"Yes," I said, "I was supposed to be here with my husband, but he passed away less than a month ago."

"What made you want to move to America?"

"I need a drastic change in my life- my uncle is a banker in Manhattan and I plan on residing with him until I get on my feet."

"That's unheard of. A woman just up and moving without her family or husband."

"I think it's bold and brave," Rose suddenly said, "I admire your strength, Victoria."

As Rose finished her statement, dinner was served. The whole time we were dining, Caledon was staring at me. He would look at me, then smile, and then look away. At one point in the night, I glanced over at Rose. She and her mother were having an argument amongst themselves. I knew that it was about me, because they would look at me and then continue bickering. Even after dinner ended, the atmosphere was still tense and very awkward- so I decided to excuse myself for a moment.

"I'll be right back," I said, "I'm going to the powder room for a moment."

Rose stood abruptly and added, "I'll join you."

She met me at the end of the table and we silently walked to the powder room. When we arrived, Rose burst into tears and screamed in frustration like a child.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

"I hate this!" she growled, "I hate this ship, I hate my mother, I hate my life!"

"You have Caledon, don't you? I'm sure you don't hate me."

Rose looked at me as she wiped her tear-streaked face.

"Victoria, he's got you fooled. He put me under the same spell once- he's got this way about him that makes you believe anything and everything he says."

"Come again?"

"Cal may seem like a charming gentleman- but once you get to know him, he's a ruthless and selfish bastard. I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't consider you a friend- he'll break your heart. I guarantee you that before this ship docks, he'll forget that you exist."

I didn't know what to believe. I hadn't known Caledon or Rose for very long, so I didn't really know whom to trust.

"I'm going back to the table," I said.

"I'm not. I need some fresh air and time to myself. Tell everyone I'll be right along."

"All right."

I left the powder room and returned to the table. I overheard the end of a conversation that Ruth was in the middle of.

"…she sure doesn't look like she's from England. She has darker skin and hair than most people from that part of Europe."

I sat down and replied, "That's because my mother was from Spain. My hair and eyes are traits that were directly from her."

"I see. Where's Rose?"

"She said she needed some fresh air and that she'd be right back."

Caledon looked at me again, but this time Rose's words echoed in my head. I looked away, thinking that Caledon's affections were indeed too good to be true. As dinner ended, we noticed that Rose had yet to return. Suddenly, a crew member appeared at the table.

"Mr. Hockley, I don't mean to alarm you, but you might want to come outside."

"Can't you see that I'm in the middle of a conversation?"

"It's your fiancée."

Both Caledon and Ruth stood up and followed the man outside. I stayed seated and looked at Mr. Andrews.

"I hope something's not wrong," I said.

"Let's go outside and see."

Mr. Andrews and I hurried outside. When we got there, Caledon was screaming at a young man who was visibly from third class. Rose was huddled on a bench, with blankets wrapped around her shoulders.

I approached Ruth and asked, "What happened?"

"Is it really any of your business?"

I stood back and watched as Caledon showed an arrogant and condescending side to him that I did not like. I walked away and went to another part of the deck. The night was beautiful- the air was chilly, but the stars in the sky were breathtaking. A few minutes later, I heard footsteps approaching.

A familiar voice said, "You're shivering. Why don't you go inside?"

I didn't want to turn around because I knew it was Caledon- but I also didn't want to be rude.

"You're right- I think I'm going to retire to my room. Goodnight."

As I tried to walk past him, he held my arm.

"Where are you going? What's wrong?"

I sighed and said, "I had a conversation with Rose earlier."

Caledon seemed upset at that fact.

"And what did you two talk about?"

I looked into Caledon's eyes and said, "We've only known each other for a day and I don't expect you to comprehend what I've been through in the last year. I might be jumping to conclusions here, but you seem to have some…interest in me. I'm not the poor little widow who puts out for the rich, handsome playboy. I had no intentions of making one friend on this ship. I'm here to make a new start on my own- and I refuse to let my heart be used or broken like a toy. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my room."

Without looking back at Caledon, I walked away and ignored him as he called my name. I went straight to my room and changed into my night garments, not thinking that I would have any other guests that night. However, I hadn't been in my room for thirty minutes before there was a knock at my door.

"Who's there?" I called.

"It's Rose. Please let me in."

_Rose?_ I thought to myself.

I opened the door and Rose said, "I need someone to talk to- and I can't stand to look at my mother or Cal."

"Come in," I said.

She sat down on one of the sofas and sighed.

"I suppose you're wondering what exactly happened tonight."

"I was concerned- that's why I was out there. But your mother made me feel quite unwelcome."

"Yes, she's good at doing that."

"So what did happen?"

"After you left the powder room, I became even more upset. All of these emotions started overwhelming me and I literally felt like I couldn't breathe. I've never been that close to the edge of insanity, but at that moment…at that moment, I knew the only way out was to end my life."

"Rose…"

"Let me finish. I ran out onto the deck, all the way to the end of the ship. I climbed over the rail and was seconds away from just ending it all. The water was moving so fast underneath the ship- I figured that it would be quick and painless. But then I heard a voice and when I turned around, there was Jack."

"Was he the young man that Caledon was screaming at?"

"Yes. He showed this incredible compassion towards me. There he was, this complete stranger, caring more about me than Cal ever has. He actually convinced me not to jump. But as he was helping me back over the rail, I stepped on my dress and slipped. I was hanging off of the end and I was terrified. When he pulled me back over, my dress ripped and our bodies were in a questionable position. The man from the crew automatically assumed- because Jack is from steerage- that I had been sexually assaulted. Victoria, no one believes my story- Cal doesn't, Mother doesn't…and I'm sure you don't either. But I needed to talk to someone and knew you would listen to me."

"I believe you."

"How is it that my mother and my fiancé- two people who supposedly love me more than anything- not believe me, and _you_ do?"

"I can sense when people are lying to me- and I know that you're not."

Rose looked at me for a moment and then said, "I wish I had your life."

"No, you don't."

"Why is that?"

"I've lost everyone I've ever loved. I still have my aunt and my cousin, but they were no substitute for my mother and father."

"But I'm sure before your husband died, you had a beautiful and loving marriage."

"Doesn't the old saying go, 'Ignorance is bliss?'"

"Yes, why?"

"No reason."

Rose looked like she wanted to probe deeper into my life, but she gave up.

"Well, I'll let you be. Thank you for listening to me, Victoria."

"Of course. If you ever need to talk again, I'm here."

"Goodnight."

"Same to you."

As soon as Rose left, I prepared for bed. I turned off all the lights in the room and climbed into the bed. As soon as I drifted off into sleep, there was another knock at my door.

"Victoria, it's Cal. I know you're sleeping, but I need to talk to you. Please?"

I wiped my eyes and turned on the lamp by my bed. Reluctantly, I walked to the door and opened it. He was in casual clothing and looked quite troubled.

"Victoria, I know it's late and you were sleeping, but I won't rest easy until I can explain everything to you."

I took a deep breath and asked, "Why would you choose to be with me right now, and not your fiancée?"

"She's sound asleep, just as you were."

I opened the door completely and he stepped inside.

He said, "You won't be lonely spending the night in here alone? The room is quite big for just one person."

"I'll make do. I've always been independent."

We went into the sitting room and I poured myself some tea.

"Would you like some?" I asked him.

"No thank you. Is your servant sleeping?"

"I don't have a servant with me on the ship. She's back home in England I hated calling her a servant- caregiver was more like it. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you."

We sat in awkward silence and then Caledon spoke.

"Victoria, whatever negative things Rose told you- they're not true."

"I saw the way you spoke to that man- he saved Rose and you treated him terribly. How is he any different from you?"

"He's a third class passenger."

"He is a _human being_, Caledon. And to be honest with you, I cannot see myself even being acquaintances with someone who treats other people like that. Put yourself in his shoes."

Caledon looked as if I had punched him in the stomach.

"No one has ever said that to me."

"Well, it's about time someone did."

"I guess I was out of hand."

"No, there's no guessing to it. You _were_ out of hand."

"You're right."

I could tell that he was being insincere.

"You're just saying that to please me, and I don't appreciate it."

Caledon moved closer to me and held my hands.

"Victoria, I'm just as frustrated as Rose is- if not more! I thought I loved Rose, but now I'm slowly beginning to realize that this is just going to be a marriage of convenience. It might not seem like it to other people, but I actually long to be in real, true love. I heard it in the way you talked about your family tonight- I could tell you grew up in a loving household with people who cared about your feelings. I was raised to believe that as long as you have money, you don't need anything else. It's getting to a point in my life now where I feel like there's a huge gap missing- and that gap is genuine love. I thought I would find it with Rose, but I was wrong."

"So if you're not in love with Rose, are you going to call off your engagement?"

"I..I don't know. Honestly, I don't even want to think about it."

I played with my hands nervously as Caledon stood up and began to pace.

He said, "I'm probably going to regret it, but I invited that boy to dinner tomorrow night."

"The one who saved Rose?"

"If that's what you believe."

"You might not know it, but Rose came in here earlier and told me about that whole situation. She wasn't lying. I know when someone is not truthful with me and she was being legitimate. Believe what you want to believe, but that young man saved her life. And why would you regret inviting him to dinner?"

"Because he won't fit in."

"So who should I believe? The Caledon who just poured his heart out to me about wanting to be in love or the Caledon who looks down upon anyone who doesn't fit his social standards?"

Caledon glowered at me and replied, "You have nerve to speak to me in such a manner. A proper lady wouldn't talk like that to a gentleman."

"Whoever said I was a proper lady? If you can't accept the way I'm conversing with you, leave my room."

Caledon scoffed and walked towards my door. Then he stopped, looked at the ground for a few seconds, and then back at me.

"I'm sorry. No one has ever called my bluff the way you just did."

"I accept your apology."

"Well, I'm sure I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Victoria."

I smiled at him and didn't say a word. He opened the door and before he closed it, he spoke one last time.

"And not only are you a proper lady, but you're the most beautiful one I've seen in my entire life."

As he left, the words of our conversation echoed over and over in my head. For that brief moment, Caledon had opened up to me- and in that brief moment, I found that my heart was slowly becoming his.


	5. The Kiss

April 13, 1912

I was jarred out of a deep sleep by a slamming door. As I came to, I also heard the sound of someone storming down the hallway. Despite the hostile atmosphere I woke up to, the morning was beautiful. I decided to freshen up and get dressed for breakfast. A knock on the door interrupted by as I brushed my hair.

"Who is it?"

"It's Cal."

My heart skipped a beat as I set my brush down. I walked over to the door, exhaled deeply, and opened it.

Caledon leaned against the doorframe and said, "Good morning, Victoria."

"Good morning. How are you?"

"Very well, and you?"

"I'm fine. Looking forward to enjoying this beautiful day."

"I wish I could say the same."

I invited him in and asked, "What's the matter? I thought I heard your door slam earlier this morning."

"You did- it was Rose. She and I got into an argument. That's all we seem to do lately."

I put my hand on his and said, "Everything happens for a reason, I suppose."

His eyes locked with mine and I felt like every ounce of my body was going to melt.

"Would you like to have breakfast with me? It was just set up on my sun deck…it was supposed to be for Rose and I, but I don't know where she even is."

I smiled and said, "I would love to."

"All right then."

I followed Caledon out of the room and down the hallway to his room. When we arrived, I was awestruck by the elaborate breakfast that had been set up. He pulled out a chair for me and I sat down in it.

"Thank you for inviting me," I said, "This is so lovely."

Caledon sat across from me and replied," I figured that you would enjoy this. Care for a mimosa?"

"I would love one."  
After the servant filled our glasses, Caledon decided to make a toast.

"Here's to a new start for you in America."

"A new start."

We tapped our glasses together and drank to the toast. Caledon was the first to speak afterwards.

"Did you sleep well last night?"

"Very. And yourself?"

"All I know is that I'm glad we had that final conversation last night."

I didn't want to admit it, but that very conversation was all I had concentrated on the previous night. As I slept, I heard Caledon's last sentence he said that night repeat over and over in my head:

_"And not only are you a proper lady, but you're the most beautiful one I've seen in my entire life."_

Not "one of the most," but he said that I was _the_ most beautiful woman he had seen in his entire life. I was so desperate to ask him if he really meant it or not, but decided to keep to myself.

"You seem really upset," I said, "It's written all over your face. You're not completely in this moment- your head is someplace else."

"I've been thinking about what you said last night…and how I treated that young man last night, and the way I've been treating people all of my life. Maybe it's the reason I haven't found true happiness and love."

I looked at him and simply replied, "Maybe."

"Can I ask you something personal?"

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and said, "Sure."

"My sister's husband died last year and she's still recovering from it. They were so in love and when he died, she was devastated. When you talk about losing your husband, you don't seem..I don't know how to put this. You don't seem affected by it. Was it a happy marriage?"

I took a long sip of my mimosa and thought about whether or not I wanted to open up to Caledon. It was only fair that I do so- after all, I wanted him to have complete trust in me.

"Stephen and I were married for almost three years. We had known each other for a long time before that, but our families pushed for us to be together. I thought that we loved each other deeply at the beginning, but I think that I was just telling myself that. A year before he fell ill, I stumbled upon these letters that another woman was writing him. She's a well-known stage actress in the part of England I'm from. We went to see her in _The Cherry Orchard_ and from that point on, I knew they were having an affair. I never said anything to anyone. In fact, you're the first person I've told about this. I tried so hard to love him and be perfect for him, and that's how he repaid me. Sometimes I wonder- if the show had been on the other foot and _I_ had been the one dying, would he have been there for me? Where was this other woman when Stephen was in the last stages of his illness? I..I.."

I was so overcome with emotion that I couldn't say anymore. Tears were rolling uncontrollably down my face and I looked away so that Caledon wouldn't see me.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he whispered.

"It's all right," I replied, "I needed to get all of those emotions out. I've been holding them in for so long inside."

"I don't understand how a man with a wife like you would stray. You're beautiful, intelligent, well-spoken…you seem like a perfect wife."

"I wish that Stephen had shared the same sentiments as you."

Caledon reached across the table and lifted my head with his fingertips. Then he looked to his left, and then to his right- almost as if he were checking to see if anyone was around.

"Victoria, do you realize that you _were_ right about one thing last night."

"And what's that?"

"I do have an interest in you/"

"What kind of interest?"

"I don't know….but when I look into your eyes, it feels almost as if I knew you in another lifetime. When you returned my pocket watch yesterday and I saw you, it was as if everything around me stopped. I've never experienced anything like it before."

"I felt the same way," I whispered.

"Come again?"

"I said that I felt the same."

At that point, a deep emotional connection was made between Caledon and I. Finally, I was beginning to let him into my heart without any hesitation. We finished breakfast and then Caledon showed me around the suite.

"Rose and Ruth are staying in the adjoining room."

"So this is all yours."

"Yes. Do you care for some wine?"

"No thank you."

I waited while he poured himself a glass. Then he joined me in the main sitting room.

"So where about in America do you live?" I asked.

"In Philadelphia."

"That's a major city of commerce, right?"

"Yes- right behind New York City and Chicago. My family owns steel mills and the main one is there."

I couldn't think of anything to say, and then something finally came into my head.

"So do your mother and father fancy Rose?"

"They think she's too young and spoiled for me. I also think they know Ruth's intentions."

"Her intentions?"

"Yes. Rose's father left them and took every penny. They're living off the last of their savings. If I had no money, I guarantee you that Rose and I would not be together."

"That's a shame. You seem like if you met the right woman, you'd be a loving and caring husband."

He moved closer to me and put his wine glass down.

"Do you know what I want more than anything in the world?"

"What's that?"

"I think I'm ready to be a father. I'm 32 years old and financially set for the rest of my life, and yet I don't feel complete."

"Stephen wasn't interested in having children. Believe me, I was ready and so were our families. But for some reason, he was afraid to start a family. Maybe he felt as if he would make an inadequate father. In a way, I'm glad that we never had children. I can't imagine what it must be like to raise a child as a widow."

"My sister and her husband had a baby six months before he died- a girl. Sometimes I think that she's what gives Eliza the strength to get through her grief."

"You sound like you really love Eliza."

"I do. She's your age, actually. And my niece, Anastacia, is the most beautiful little girl. Being around her makes me want to have children even more."

"How does Rose feel about having children?"

"She's seventeen. It's the last thing on her mind. That's something we find ourselves arguing about often. I guess there's just no hope for now."

I looked down and saw that Caledon's hand was on my upper leg. He saw that I noticed it, and he moved away.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I'm not bothered by it."

Caledon moved even closer to me and slowly lifted his hand to my face. He hesitated a little at first, like he wasn't sure of what he was doing. Then he ran his thumb across my cheek- just his touch left me breathless.

"Your skin feels like silk," he said quietly, "Do you even realize how beautiful you are?"

I was so caught up in the moment, I couldn't think of anything to say. I could feel his breathing on my face as we looked into each other's eyes. I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. It only lasted for a minute or so, but it felt like the sweetest eternity. Before I knew it, Caledon leaned towards me and closed his eyes. I did the same, and the next sensation I felt was his lips pressed against mine. However, that moment was quickly interrupted when Mr. Lovejoy came into the room.

Caledon growled, "Haven't you ever heard of knocking before entering?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hockley. Mr. Andrews and Mr. Guggenheim are requesting your presence in the Smoking Room."

"Tell them I'm busy."

"They insisted. It's a very important business matter."

Caledon let out a sigh of frustration and replied, "I'll be down in a moment."

After Mr. Lovejoy left the room, I said, "I guess I should get going. I hate to hold you back from your social events."

"I want you to hold me back. My life is nothing but business meetings. This is a very welcome change and I'm so sorry I had to leave you like this."

I took the initiative and kissed him upon his lips and replied, "It's all right, really. Thank you for breakfast- and for listening to me."

"The pleasure was all mine. I'll walk you back to your room."

We both stood up and exited the room. When we arrived at the door, Caledon smiled as he looked at me.

He whispered, "I would kiss you, but I can see Lovejoy watching from the corner of my eye. I can't do anything without him right under my nose."

"Can't you fire him?"

"I suppose I could."

We laughed and then he picked up my hand to kiss it.

"This will do until later tonight."

"Later tonight?"

"You'll see. Rose will probably be occupied with that boy from steerage- she won't even know I'm there. Would you mind accompanying me to dinner tonight?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

He squeezed my hand and replied, "I'll be here at a quarter to seven."

"All right. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

Not even fifteen minutes later, someone knocked on my door again. When I answered it, I was surprised by who was standing in the doorway.

"Mr. Lovejoy," I said, "How can I help you?"

"Ms. Camden, I know that Mr. Hockley has grown a fondness for you, but do keep one thing in mind- he's an engaged man. He's marrying Rose when we return to Philadelphia. Would you be able to live with yourself if you ruined that wedding?"

As he finished his sentence, I saw Mr. Lovejoy's eyes dart quickly to his left. I looked down the hallway and saw Ruth. She cast a malevolent glare at me and then disappeared (or in my opinion, slithered) back into her room.

I lowered my voice and replied, "Mr. Lovejoy, you tell Mrs. DeWitt-Bukater that if she wishes to address this subject with me, she can talk to me in person instead of sending you. Have a good day."

I closed the door before he could get a word in edgewise, and thought to myself, _You should have realized this would happen when you started having feelings for Caledon._

The diary that I had been writing in caught my eye, and I figured that maybe I could release some tension by recording my thoughts.

_April 13, 1912_

_I honestly wish that I were somewhere else other than Titanic. I need to be away…someplace where I can be far from this situation.Don't get me wrong- the ship is beautiful and pretty much everything has been perfect. But now that Caledon has graced my life with his presence, I've never been more confused yet enthralled in my life. This morning, he invited me to breakfast and we had the most revealing conversation. I learned some very interesting things about him and I opened myself up to him, which is rare for me to do with a stranger. I can look into Caledon's eyes and feel comforted- which is scaring me more and more by the moment. We only have a few days left here on the ship, and it will be quite intriguing to see where those two days lead Caledon and I. I just hope that in the end, no one is hurt and everything works out for the best. _

I closed the diary and became lost in various thoughts for a moment. Then I got up and left the room- I needed fresh air and to get away as best as I could. As I walked along the first-class deck, I was surprised to see Rose with the gentleman who had saved her the previous night. He was showing her a book of sketches, and she seemed greatly intrigued- with both the drawings and with him. I approached them and made conversation.

"Hello," I said.

Rose looked up and smiled, saying, "Hello, Victoria. Did you and Cal have a nice breakfast together?"

I replied, "It was lovely. Did your mother inform you about it?"

"Of course she did. She keeps her nose in everyone's business but hers. By the way, Victoria, this is Jack. Jack, Victoria."

As I reached to shake his hand, he kissed it.

"Pleased to meet you, Victoria."

"You were the one who saved Rose last night, weren't you?"

"In the flesh."

I looked down at his drawings and said, "Those are magnificent. Did you draw those yourself, Jack?"

"Sure did."

"So where are you from?"

"My family's from Minnesota, but now I travel anywhere and anyplace I can."

"Wherever the wind takes you."

"Exactly. And judging by your accent, you're definitely not from America."

"No, I'm from England."

"What brings you to Titanic?"

"I guess I'm doing the same as you are. I needed a new start, so I decided to move to America. I just wonder if it will hold up to its reputation of being the land of opportunity."

I finished looking at his sketches and then stood up.

"Leaving so soon?" Rose asked.

"I'll leave you two alone. I'll see you at dinner tonight. It was nice meeting you, Jack."

"The pleasure was all mine, Victoria."

I left the area and went inside the ship, to the tea room.

"Vicki!"

I turned around and saw that Molly Brown was calling me. She was sitting at a large table with a few other of the first-class women, including Ruth. At first I was reluctant, but I didn't want to be offensive. I took a deep breath and approached the table.

Molly said, "Come join us, Vicki. You don't mind me calling you that, do you?"

No one in my life had ever called me by that nickname- I thought it was amusing.

"I don't mind at all."

"Have a seat."

I sat in a chair, next to Madeline Astor. Besides Molly, she seemed to be the most friendly at the table. A server poured a cup of tea for me and I observed everything around me but the conversation. Suddenly, Ruth spoke up and tried to get my attention.

"Victoria, who's your favorite author?"

I quietly replied, "Charles Dickens. I love his ability to make his stories so real."

"You know, I just read an incredible novel. I can't remember who wrote it, but the premise of the story was quite intriguing."

Molly said, "Well, go on and tell us what it was about!"

"It was about a woman- a beautiful temptress from Europe. She was a widow and decided to abandon her family for a new life in another country. During her journey, she meets a married man and tricks him into falling in love with her. She ends up leaving the poor man and not only ruins his life, but his wife's as well."

My face burned with rage. I knew that she was talking about me, not some fantastic novel. I was aggravated with the childish games Ruth was playing, and I stood up.

"Ladies," I said, "I hate to be rude, but I'm not feeling very well. I'm heading to my room. Thank you for inviting me here."

As I left, I felt that there was someone following me. It was Ruth. She cornered me by the chapel.

She sneered, "I don't know what intentions you have, but they will not be tolerated. Stay away from Cal. He won't fall into the trap you're setting, Victoria. He likes classy women, not trollops who go out of their way to impress a wealthy man. Don't make me warn you again, or you'll be sorry."

Before I could say anything, she briskly walked away. I stayed in my place for a few moments, trying my hardest not to show any emotion. I was incredibly upset, but I was damned if I was going to let this woman make me cry. I composed myself and then headed back to my room. In order to get to the staircase, I had to walk past the Smoking Room. I knew Caledon would be in there, so I walked by quickly with my head down. A few moments later, I heard his voice.

"Victoria, is that you?"

I turned around as he walked towards me.

"What are you doing down here?" he asked.

"I'm not allowed to walk around the ship now? I guess it seems I can't do anything right around here! I.."

I couldn't hold it in any longer. The pent-up tears came out and I tried my best to not sob. He came towards me and I backed away.

"I can't…I can't see you, or be near you, or talk to you! You're getting married, Caledon! You're the one pursuing me and yet I'm the one who's being made out to look like a whore! I can't do this!"

Caledon came close to me and whispered, "Do you have any idea how you've changed my life in the last twenty-four hours? You've been in my every thought and I wish with all my heart that things were different. But they aren't. All I ask is that you give me time, Victoria. If things are meant to be, then everything will work out for the best."

"Give you time? We only have four days left on this ship. Is four days really enough time to figure this situation out?"

Caledon wiped a stray tear from my cheek and replied, "You shouldn't get so upset about this. Did someone say anything to you."

I sighed and said, "Ruth pretty much threatened my life."

He clenched his fists and replied, "That woman just doesn't know when to stop."

"I've never been so torn about anything in my life. My head says that I should just leave you be. You're marrying Rose and this is all wrong. But my heart…something in my heart is driving me towards you and I don't know why."

"I feel exactly the same way. I can't even look at Rose the same anymore, because all I see is your face."

"But we've only known each other for a day, Caledon! How is this happening?"

"With things like this, you can't ask questions."

I wiped away the last of my tears and said, "I'm going back to my room. I'll see you at dinner later."

"Quarter to seven, right?"

"Right."

As I walked away, so many thought raced through my head. Was it worth it to give my heart to Caledon? What would my family think? What measures would Ruth go to in order to keep Caledon and I apart? And in a split second, I had the answer to everything.


End file.
